


True Colors

by NicoNightingale



Series: The Others [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Nymphadora Tonks, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misgendering, Pre-Hogwarts, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25620256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoNightingale/pseuds/NicoNightingale
Summary: Nymphadora Tonks started changing seconds after her/his birth. At the age of 8, however, the Metamorph had already realized there were moments and ways that she wasn't supposed to change.
Relationships: Andromeda Black Tonks & Nymphadora Tonks, Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, Nymphadora Tonks & Minerva McGonagall, Nymphadora Tonks & Ted Tonks
Series: The Others [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857121
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling and the Warner Bros. Entertainment.

Tonks knew by heart the story of when the raw urge to shift had first started. Her mum often told people that she had begun changing from a few seconds after she was born. The healer hadn't even finished cleaning her when the Metamorph's hair grew longer and thicker, shifting from dark brown to angry red before, as she was finally placed in Andromeda's arms, settling on lilac.

The Metamorph couldn't recall, however, when she had first started learning she had to _control_ such urges. Tonks couldn't place the moment when she noticed that her shape-shifting abilities were sometimes unwelcomed or when she realized that there were boundaries she should not trespass. 

Although Tonks had a feeling that it hadn't been the first time it had happened, the first clear memory of someone reacting badly to one of her shiftings was imprinted in her mind. It was also one of her very first cloudless recollections: the time when Sirius Black, her mother's cousin, was imprisoned in Azkaban for betraying his best friends.

Tonks had been a spirited eight-year-old back then, who used to think the world of her second cousin since he was the only one who seemed to understand her desire to turn everything into a silly joke. She had quite a few fuzzy memories of his bark-like laughter and the lousy motorcycle.

The Metamorph couldn't recall if it was her desire to comfort herself or just because she wanted to see her mother, who had been crying for a long time, laugh. Or, perhaps, she was just tired of being _she_ — and, while Tonks wasn't sure if it had happened before then, she knew it happened several times in the years to come.

It took Tonks many attempts before she could morph herself into an eight-year-old boy who shared _some_ resemblance with Sirius. _He_ — and the Metamorph felt back then that the change of pronouns felt right only because it completed the character portrayed — couldn't do more since his skills were still in development, but felt great about the results. 

Indeed, looking at himself in the mirror, he realized everything felt _right_ in a way he couldn't describe. Maybe in the same way how his elbow had felt after his mum had healed it, a few weeks before, after a bad fall from a broom. Or, perhaps, like when he placed the last piece of a puzzle he had spent ages trying to complete.

Tonks never could figure how long he stood there, staring at himself in the mirror in amazement, studying the features that felt to be more his than Sirius', and wondering how to describe his feelings to his mum and dad. The magic of the moment vanished when Tonks saw his mum's reflection in the mirror and noticed an expression of pure horror in her face.

Right then, even before his mum started yelling at him, the Metamorph realized changing his face into her cousin's had been a terrible idea of a joke. He couldn't figure if it was because _Tonks_ had morphed into _Sirius_ or a _girl_ turned into a _boy_ , or if both had been the cause of his mum's horrified gaze.

Afterwards, Tonks had cried _her_ self to sleep, hoping to forget what had happened. Still, even years after, she would recall the word professed in anger and hurt. The word her mum had apologized for at the moment she realized she had said it. The word she would never, no matter how upset she was, repeat again.

Abnormal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is a prequel of "The Others", but can be read as its own thing. It follows Tonks from the ages of 8 to 12.
> 
> I know the usage of pronouns right now is not quite right and there is some heavy misgendering going on here. Bare with me for a little longer, though.
> 
> Tonks doesn't quite understand what is going on with her/him and, since this fic is set in the 80s, information about gender identity is not out there. This is Tonks' point of view, so I will try to stay true to what she/he is or is thinking.
> 
> I promise the misgendering won't last forever (neither in here nor in “The Others”).


	2. Little White Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is no songfic. The songs at the beginning of each chapter are just a recommendation.

_If you ever feel like_  
 _Something's missing_  
 _Things you never understand_  
 _Little white shadows sparkle and glisten_  
 _Part of a system a plan  
_ (White Shadows – Coldplay)

In many senses, Tonks' relationship with her family and friends — as well as her feelings towards her shape-shifting skills — changed after the outburst that followed her first attempt of shifting her body to look like a boy's. 

While she remained her usual social person, Tonks got more self-conscious about her changes. Her curiosity was too great to stop her from shifting altogether, but she made sure to stick to the subtle changes unless she was alone. 

As a consequence, her baths grew longer and longer, while her schedule shifted as she started waking up earlier to take advantage of the time her parents were still asleep. Although her parents joked about it a few times, they didn't question her or tried to change her behaviour as it wasn't affecting her life in a negative manner.

Soon, Tonks discovered there were times when being in boy's body felt odd and she could almost understand why her mum might have called it “abnormal”. At other moments, however, it was like discovering a fundamental part of _him_ self. Perhaps, like trying to fit pieces in a complex puzzle he was still trying to comprehend but finding only ones that, while similar to the roles' shape, were not quite correct. 

As far as Tonks was aware of, such changes should _never_ feel as natural to her as they felt sometimes. While most of the people she knew were unhappy about one aspect of their physical appearance, everyone she knew seemed to be overall content about their gender. 

Many of her friends were curious about their opposite gender, of course, but nobody had ever told her they wanted to change into it. There was a silent understanding that someone who was born a girl would always be a girl, as well as someone who was born a boy would always be a boy. 

Yet, the way people thought about their own body didn't reflect a Metamorph's relationship with theirs since they had no fixed innate appearance. According to Tonks' godmother, the Hogwarts' Transfiguration professor Minerva McGonagall, nobody knew a Metamorphmagus' natural features since it was uncertain if they started changing at the moment of their birth or were already shifting inside the womb.

Tonks knew from the story of her birth that she had been born with what people believed to be a thin layer of light brown hair — neither her mum nor her dad could vow for the colour, though, since there was so little hair, in the first place. However, if Minnie was right in her assumptions — and the Metamorph usually trusted her godmother's knowledge on the matter —, there was no way to know if that _was_ her natural appearance. 

Thinking about that, Tonks realized that she might not even _be_ a girl if she had been born with the ability to change her gender at will. At the moments when he felt happier as a boy than he had been as a girl right before the shift, the Metamorph couldn't help but think that he might have changed inside his mother's womb.

Yet, Tonks was hesitant at jumping to that conclusion since being a girl had never brought her distress. Even at the moments when shifting into a boy brought a level of comfort, he didn't despair when he was forced to change back to a girl's body. After a while, the Metamorph started wondering if it was possible to be a girl and a boy _at the same time_ , although that thought, per se, felt even weirder than shifting between the two genders.

It was about one year after Tonks' attempt to shift into Sirius that the Metamorph realized how high the stakes were. To understand that she/he shouldn't be stopped by the fear of the consequences in the case that her/his parents found out about her/his little experiments. 

Drake Harrison, a friend of Tonks' parents, had decided to pay a visit with his wife Lucy and 6-year-old son Thomas. A Hufflepuff muggle-born like Ted Tonks, Drake had travelled to Canada to research wand-making right after their Hogwarts graduation and would only rarely come back to England. Every one of his visits, however, were interesting and joyful occasions in which each of the couples shared stories of their respective countries to the pair of delighted children.

That year, however, Andromeda Tonks had soon banned the children from the living room with the excuse that the day was too nice to be wasted indoors. With an insight natural to one who was born in the context of war and in a family that stood in the very core of the conflicts, Tonks was aware that his mum's words were not but a cover from the adults so they could discuss the violence and death surrounding them. 

After guiding Thomas to his playroom and showing where his best toys were, Tonks sneaked behind the living room's door to listen. Usually, the fear of being caught was enough to keep him from snooping, but the Metamorph was curious on the subject they would be discussing since, like any other British witch or wizard, he had heard that the war was over. If there was no war, what would the adults be discussing that required them to send him away? 

The answer became obvious as soon as Tonks found a good spot to listen: Sirius' ultimate betrayal. Although the children's sensitivities weren't the cause for them to be cast aside; for once, the _adults_ were the ones who got emotional at the topic. That became clear at the moment when Andromeda burst in tears. 

Much like it had happened on the day she had received the news about Sirius. The day when Tonks changed into him for the first time. Swallowing hard, Tonks recalled the word his mother had used back then to describe his features: abnormal. From the stories she had heard, he knew that Sirius was often called handsome. Not abnormal. 

No, that word was used to describe _Tonks_. Tonks looking like Sirius or Tonks looking like a boy. Or both. And, yet, the Metamorph had been _pretending_ to be a boy at times — and, at that moment, he realized he— _she_ had been doing it in her head throughout the past week. It was self-exploration turned into a game. A game that could hurt her mother as much as Sirius' imprisonment had.

Body and pronouns changings felt nothing like a game, however, when Tonks could feel the pieces of her/his puzzle _almost_ coming together. In those moments, the Metamorph could feel what she/he guessed to be a glimpse of the emotion that she/he would experiment once she/he finally completed it. 

No, Tonks realized on the night after the Harrisons' visit. This was deeper and more important than any regular puzzle he— _she_ would ever solve. While she was content as a girl at all times, she knew she would never be complete if she didn't figure out why being a boy felt sometimes right and, on the other hand, the discovery could hurt her mother very much.

That was when he— _she_ decided she _needed_ to ask someone who she could trust to remain calm no matter what, someone who wouldn't tell her parents without first trying to help her.

“Minnie,” Tonks approached her godmother on a Saturday, when her parents had kicked her out of the kitchen so she could keep her godmother company while they prepared a meal for them all.

Even after she noticed her goddaughter's hesitance, Minerva McGonagall remained in silence. She had seen that behaviour enough times to understand that it meant the girl was about to ask or confess something embarrassing and was afraid of the professor's reaction. Unlike some of her students, however, Dora always gathered without her interference.

As Minerva had predicted, the girl sat beside her after a few seconds. “I want to ask you something about Metamorphmagi.” Anxious, Dora was bouncing her feet back and forth and looking straight ahead in fear of meeting the teacher's eyes.

“Well, ask away,” the teacher replied when several seconds passed without the girl saying another word. She wasn't as impatient as she was a practical person; knowing that Dora wouldn't have gone this far if she had all the intention of saying whatever was in her mind at that moment, there was no point in dragging it on and on.

“How— how do you know if a Metamorphmagus is _actually_ a girl or a boy?” Tonks flushed, wondering if she had made the right question to get the answer she needed without betraying her inner turmoil. 

Tonks looked up when Minnie didn't reply right away, worried that she had upset her godmother with her question. She noticed that the woman was frowning a little, in deep thought. “M— Minnie?” The Metamorph called, worried.

Minerva shook her head as if she was shuffling her thoughts back to their right spot in her mind. “Since we don't know exactly when a Metamorphmagus starts changing, it's difficult to know for sure. Have you tried changing into a boy?” 

Although she boldly kept her eyes on her godmother's, Tonks flushed at the memory of her first time shifting into a boy. “I— I tried to— sometimes— b— because—” the Metamorph paused, frowning as she tried to come up with a good explanation for her curiosity. “Challenge! I mean— it's a challenge, I have to change so many small things to make it believable.”

While she had seen right through Tonks' babbling, the professor remained in complete silence, waiting until her goddaughter finished saying her piece. Having been a teacher for more than two decades, Minerva had seen that scene happening more times than she could count when her students were trying to hide something from her. 

Since she had seen Dora growing up from a newborn and knew the way the Metamorph's mind worked, Minerva had a hunch on what was being kept from her and why. Speaking about such an essential yet intimate aspect of oneself was difficult for everyone, but it was even more strenuous to a child who had little knowledge of the opposite gender. 

Despite her knowledge of their overall behaviour, no student had ever approached Minerva with questions about their gender. The professor was, therefore, clueless on how to respond to such a situation. Should she tell Tonks to ask her parents? They would have wanted to know, but Minerva was reluctant to break her goddaughter's trust by declining to answer her questions. 

“We have discussed this before, Dora, there is nothing wrong with experimenting, as long as you keep your magic hidden from the muggles,” the teacher finally replied to the anxious girl beside her. 

“Isn't changing into a boy too much? Mum—” Tonks stopped herself before she spilt what had happened when she turned into Sirius. “—insisted on naming me Nymphadora even though daddy told her it is a weird name and nobody would call a boy Dora. Daddy also says he's always wanted to have a daughter.”

Tonks didn't quite like the way her godmother was studying her by the moment she finished speaking. Not only was it clear that she had caught Tonks' hesitancy after mentioning her mother, but was also analyzing it. The Metamorph knew there was no way she would be able to trick someone as intelligent and knowledgeable as Minnie.

“Have you ever asked your parents their feelings toward you shifting into a boy?” The Professor asked in a composed manner, realizing that pressuring Tonks on what happened between her mother and her would only make the girl retreat. 

“No. I— there's no need, really! I don't even like being a boy all that much,” Tonks lied right away, fearful that Minnie would make her tell her parents if she figured out that she actually _preferred_ being a boy _sometimes_.

“Dor—” Minerva started but interrupted herself. There hadn't been more than two minutes since her goddaughter had told her the name didn't suit a boy, which something she had thought to be worth mentioning as an explanation why changing genders _could_ be too much. 

The last thing the teacher wanted was to dissuade the girl from playing with her skills at that moment. Being a Metamorphmagus wasn't easy and the least Minerva — or the Tonks — could do was to offer a safe, open, and caring environment for her to practice and grow confident about herself.

“Tonks,” the teacher offered after a momentary thought, calling her by the same name the Metamorph's friends used. “I am sure your parents agree with me when I say that, in this house, your body should reflect on how you feel about yourself. There is no such thing as changing _too much_.”

Tonks looked away and started bouncing her legs with more strength, kicking the couch with her heels. Finally, she nodded in agreement. Her parents had told her on several occasions that, as long as she kept it subtle around muggles, there was no need for her not to experiment and that they would never judge the changes in her appearance and.

Yet, her mum had been upset when she shifted to resemble a young Sirius, which meant that there were clearly some boundaries. However, while she was disturbed by the fact that she didn't know which were the limits she shouldn't cross, Tonks felt silly for asking questions about gender when she was perfectly happy being a girl at all the times. 

Minnie was happy to answer her inquiring and didn't seem overall bothered by the topic of their conversation, but the Metamorph knew it could still cause some bad reactions from her parents if this particular subject reached them. 

No, it wasn't just a game. Yes, it did feel like she would never be complete being only a girl. But did she _need_ to be complete when she was happy being a girl? Was it worth the possibility of hurting her parents? Throughout the conversation with her godmother, Tonks grew more and more unsure of how to answer these questions. 

So, when her mum walked in to invite them back to the dining room, Tonks was relieved. The interruption bought her some time to think this further, to consider all the possibilities. The Metamorph couldn't have known that years would pass before she gathered enough courage to approach the subject once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the repetitive chapter. Tonks thoughts are going round and round between wanting to make questions and fearing upsetting her parents.
> 
> So… I tried adding some sort of a dialogue between two narrators here. One is seeing things from McGonagall's perspective, and the other is seeing them from Tonks'. It's been a while since I've written something of this sorts, so I hope I did it alright.
> 
> Hope this was enjoyable. Thank you all for reading this.


	3. Weaving Many-Coloured Wings

_Weaving my wings  
From many-coloured yarns _ _  
_ _Flying higher, higher, higher_ _  
_ _Into the wild_ _  
_ _Weaving my world  
Into the tapestry of life _   
_Its fire golden_   
(My Waden – Nightwish)

Despite Tonks' growing desire to understand why a boy's body felt right at times, she kept her doubts to herself. Talking to family was, of course, out of the question until she was sure of what it meant. Not only she didn't wish to disturb her mother — and, potentially, father — unnecessarily, but the Metamorph also had no idea of how to broach the subject.

In addition to that, Tonks' closest friends were muggles, from whom the Statute of Secrecy forbid her to reveal her morphing skills. The very few who came from magical families were children of her parents' friends who lived in other corners of the country, who she only met occasionally and wasn't close enough to trust with her biggest secret. 

So, as Tonks slowly moved from the subtle changes in his features or copying the ones from the boys he knew well, he kept his experiments restricted to the moments he was alone in his bedroom or the bathroom. 

Luckily, after being raised in a strict environment by intrusive parents, his mother was a firm believer that every child had the right to privacy, respecting Tonks' desire to be alone when he chose to close the door. Therefore, Metamorph knew there was no need to lock it since his parents would never invite themselves in. 

It was only when some of Tonks' older friends reached puberty that the Metamorph realised she had no idea how different a boy was from a girl.

Of course, to a certain extent, Tonks had always known that a man was different from a woman. The female body showed curves absent in the opposite gender. At the same time, males had a flat chest and larger feet and hands. 

So far, the only indication of her growth was how effortless she could maintain specific sizes since altering her mass to an extreme level had always been tricky. The practice and some tips from Minnie had made it more effortless through time, but it still felt unnatural. 

Therefore, there was no question her body was still a child's. So, throughout her childhood, the dissimilarities between men seemed to belong to a distant future dissociated from her present, something that only concerned the Metamorph when she — or he — changed herself — or himself — into an adult to prank people.

Seeing some of her female friends starting talking about bras and periods — something Tonks had a lot of trouble imagining — brought that reality dangerously closer, making the Metamorph start considering how it would affect her. 

Perhaps, if she started having periods and more trouble changing into a boy — or he didn't get them and found issues keeping his girl body —, she/he would find out her/his gender. Instead of relief, however, the prospect brought anxiety and a level of anguish that Metamorph had never experienced. For the first time, she/he realised that having the _option_ was essential to her/him.

Decided not to be caught off-guard, Tonks searched for books in the local library that explained the differences between boys and girls during the puberty. However, the Metamorph was disappointed by the few textbooks she found since, while she had gotten some information she had first lacked, the material was too vague to give her a clear direction. 

Despite her annoyance toward the books, Tonks copied some of the drawing and observations in a notebook — hidden amongst several blank pages to keep her parents from bumping into it by accident. The sketches and notes were messy since the Metamorph only realised what was useful once she/he was locked in the safety of the bathroom, using them as guides.

Much to Tonks' surprise, mimicking her/his superficial appearance wasn't challenging. It wasn't much different from changing details of facial features or hair, although it took her a few trips to the library before she could figure out the exact information she needed to perform a complete shift.

The internal shifts were an entirely different matter. Tonks had no clue where to start since she couldn't see or sense most of her organs and, therefore, wasn't sure if they were either male or female. Indeed, although the Metamorph hoped deep down the insides of her body were somehow _both_ , it was easier to describe it as female until she could figure the truth.

Tonks' curiosity peaked when, in the very last year in the muggle education system, her teacher announced that the school would offer a few sex-education lectures in the following week. Although the students would require permission from their parents, the Metamorph wasn't worried since both her mother and father wanted her to get as much education on general topics as possible before going to Hogwarts.

Indeed, while amused by Tonks' evident enthusiasm for the classes, her mother didn't question it or hesitated before signing the form provided by the school. “I suppose it will be good for you to learn this from a muggle perspective, but I thought we still had some time before you started getting excited about sex.” Andromeda, then, laughed before promising a new conversation soon, adding dread to the Metamorph's confusion. 

As she sat among some of her female classmates to listen to Dr Baker's sex-education lecture, Tonks had trouble remembering how scared she was at the prospect of her mother approaching her with the topic of sex and gender. Hopefully, the doctor would be able to answer some of her doubts about the subject and provide some of the material to help her figure herself out before the conversation with Andromeda.

The Metamorph's was, therefore, disappointed when the lecture turned out to be no more elucidating on the matter of gender than the books she had read in the library. The one thing it had taught her was the mechanics and purpose of sex, as well as how to protect herself from diseases Tonks had never heard. While the topic fascinating, though, she didn't think it was useful considering that even kissing someone's mouth felt disgusting.

Yet, despite her disappointment, she refused to be let down so easily. The fact that Dr Baker hadn't touched the subject didn't mean she wasn't familiar with it. Perhaps, Tonks mused, the woman had merely thought it was unnecessary since none of the students — not even herself — appeared to be the type of muggle who would have such doubts.

There it was, in front of herself, a woman who might be able to answer her questions. Someone who didn't know anyone from her family and, therefore, wouldn't have the means to report it. Although she was anxious about expressing her doubts in a straightforward manner, Tonks wouldn't let such an opportunity to slip without making a solid effort. 

“Dr Baker?” The Metamorph approached the doctor's desk, trying to use her morphing skills to hide her growing embarrassment. “I have a— hm— question.”

The woman raised her head from her suitcase, where she had been packing the supplies used during the class. “Oh? Ask away,” Dr Baker tilted her head, her eyes sparkling with curiosity as they found Tonks' many-coloured hair. 

“Well, I am wondering— can someone be a girl _and_ a boy at the same time?” The Metamorph was looking straight at the doctor's eyes, so she noticed when the woman's expression changed from curiosity to profound concern. 

It took what seemed to be an eternity before the doctor spoke again, “well, Miss—” 

“Tonks,” the Metamorph replied right away, her anxiety growing at each passing second. The doctor nodded in response but didn't speak right away. _Why isn't she saying anything? Doesn't she know the answer?_

“Well, Miss Tonks,” the doctor started after another eternity had passed. “It's a rare condition, but yes, certain people are born with a body that is both female and male.”

The Metamorph couldn't stop the smile growing on her lips. “So, someone can look like a girl or a boy, but be both?” As another endless pause followed her question, Tonks restarted speaking, trying to recall the name she had read in the library and heard in the class, “I mean, someone who looks like a girl or a boy can be both, inside? Have, you know, a— hm— testicles and a— hm— uterus? You know what I mean?”

“Yes, I understand what you are asking,” although unease, the doctor replied before Tonks could keep explaining herself. “Intersex— that's how we call people who are born with boy and girl anatomy at the same time. Yes, some of them have only one genital but have— are, as you put it, both a boy and a girl inside.”

At that point, Tonks was so excited that she could barely keep herself from jumping or pacing. Not only she had found out that there were people who were both, but also got a name that might help her locate more information. 

Since Dr Baker was a muggle, Tonks couldn't ask about Metamorphmagi. However, if she could gather enough information about intersex people, she might be able to find a way to communicate her doubts with Minnie and her parents as well as show her mother it was okay to be both.

“Thank you, ma'am!” Too excited to remain still and anxious to get to the library, the Metamorph opened a smile and hushed outside the classroom. In her hurry, she failed to hear Dr Baker calling her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The abrupt ending will be explained in the next chapter.
> 
> Also, I haven't abandoned The Others. Since the chapters are much larger than the ones I'm writing for this fanfiction, they take longer to be written. The next chapter is halfway done, though.
> 
> Thanks for the reading and the kudos.


	4. A Rainbow is Shining for Us

_ The sound of the rain will fill the air _ _   
_ _ The colours will burst into my view _ _   
_ _ As this rainbow shines for me and you _ _   
_ _ That was the day I always knew,  _ _   
_ _ “I’m in love with you” _ _   
_ _ In your eyes, I can see the sky. _ __   
(Hikaru Nara – Goose House / version by TYER Records)

Knowing the harms caused by a strict upbringing, Andromeda Tonks had tried her best to create a safe and understanding atmosphere in her house that invited her daughter to come to her with whatever problems she had. 

Even though the constant changes in Dora's appearance caused all sorts of comments from their muggle neighbours and relatives, Andromeda never questioned her daughter's choices. She had accepted Minerva McGonagall's explanation that this was the way Dora communicated with the world and, eventually, learned to love every feature the girl had exhibited.

Andromeda hadn't even needed much convincing from Dora and Ted before she allowed the girl to attend the muggle school with the other children in the neighbourhood. Although she failed to understand the necessity, the woman could see her daughter's wish to spend more time with her friends. In addition to that, she figured some extra education couldn't hurt, could it?

Ignoring the lessons from her childhood, Andromeda treated her daughter like someone perfectly capable of full-elaborated feelings and thoughts. While there was a clear hierarchy in their relationship, the woman had let Dora know from the start that, as long as she was respectful, she would always be heard with an open heart and mind.

Thus, learning from the school that Dora had been hiding something from her had distressed Andromeda. Hadn't she made it clear enough to her daughter that she could trust her with whatever inquiries she had? What had she done to make the girl look for advice from a teacher before seeking her?

“Nymphadora has taken some unusual interest in human physiology,” Charlotte Fields, the Headmistress of Dora's primary school, explained. “It's not uncommon for children her age to be curious about their bodies, but her questions had been— I dare saying— odd.”

Ted was usually the one who dealt with the muggle educators since he was more experienced than his wife. After all, the man had not only attended a primary school before receiving his first letter from Hogwarts but also had spent his teenage years hearing about his siblings' muggle education.

That time, however, Andromeda was too anxious to keep it quiet while his husband dealt with the teacher and the Headmistress. “What are you referring to?” The woman asked impatiently, surprising both Ted and the educators, who were used to her silence during their meetings.

If she weren’t worried, Andromeda would have found the twin expressions of alarm in the other women's face amusing. While she lacked her family's overall attitude toward muggles, her aristocratic manners were the cause of much speculation and a level of fearful respect around the neighbourhood. 

After a wordless exchange between the teacher, a brunette called Samantha Steele, and the Headmaster, the latter cleaned her throat. “Well, she asked Dr Baker— she's the one who came to talk to the children about sex. Nymphadora asked her about intersexuality,” the woman spilt, looking from Andromeda to Ted with growing uneasiness. 

It was Andromeda's time to fall in complete silence as she was unsure of what the word meant but unwilling to confess her ignorance. Luckily, although Ted understood his wife's desire to keep her lack of knowledge hidden, he had no trouble admiring his. “Intersexuality?” The man asked gently. 

“The condition of one who is born with both male and female's physiology,” the Headmistress explained, somewhat fearful of the other woman's reaction. While Andromeda Tonks had been nothing but generous and polite, she had an aura of nobility that had caused some awkwardness in the school's staff throughout the years since Nymphadora had started studying there.

Used to Mrs Tonks' perfect composure, both Mrs Fields and Miss Steele were astonished when the woman burst into laughter. Unbeknown to the educators, the cause of the anxious laugh was her concern for her daughter and doubts toward her parenting skills. Why hadn't Dora confide on her or Ted?

“Dromeda,” Ted warned, placing his hand on the woman's shoulder in an attempt to calm her. He knew that no amusement could have caused such a careless burst from his otherwise composed wife. Just when he felt the woman's muscles relaxing that he pulled away.

Albeit still disturbed, Andromeda allowed herself to be comforted by her husband, slowly recovering from her outburst. Why  _ hadn't  _ her daughter talked to her, though? Since they couldn't know of her Metamorphmagus skills, these muggles could offer her no more than half-answers. Not that the woman had an idea of what to say to Dora since, as far as she was aware, her daughter was a girl through and through. However, Knowing of her abilities, Andromeda was more suited to figure it out. 

“Sorry, but I fail to understand your concerns. As you said, questions about their bodies are quite normal for children of Dora's age,” Ted told the two educators, decided to keep his bewilderment from the muggles. 

The man was aware that he wouldn't be able to explain it to them at full extent without revealing his daughter's abilities. However, finding a way to deal with Dora's doubts — as well as figuring out why the girl hadn't approached them with the subject — could wait until they got home. Right now, the most important thing at that point was to keep the school from poking into their business.

“What my husband means is— Nymphadora has always been inquisitive and has spent long periods in the library in the past year. I imagine she might have found a book with an— intersex?— character and got curious.” Andromeda explained, picking up her husband's line of thought. The excuse, only based on reality to a certain extent, came quickly to her lips after years telling half-truths to her muggle friends and relatives.

Both of the educators were astonished by the couple's lack of response to Nymphadora's unusual interest. They had had some experience with open-minded parents. Indeed, the Tonks  _ had _ to be quite progressive, considering that they allowed their daughter to sport all sorts of hairstyles and colours. However, none of the parents they had met had been as unconcerned when their child developed a curiosity regarding some of the most controversial topics on sexuality and gender. 

“I see,” Mrs Fields lied since, in her astonishment, she couldn't figure out what else to say. “I admit we have been wondering if Nymphadora's curiosity was a consequence of her physiology, in which case we would be happy to provide the necessary— accommodations to make both her classmates and her more comfortable.”

For a moment, when he heard a low growl coming from deep in his wife's throat and saw her hand move closer to her purse, Ted was worried that she would take out her wand and curse the muggle woman right there. Indeed, it took all of Andromeda's self-control to keep herself from jinxing the Headmistress for her patronising. 

“I assure you that no accommodations are necessary. My daughter is no different from any other girl,” the witch's tone was cold and dry. It was a lie, but Andromeda couldn't care less. Even though Dora was different from the others, she had expressed her desire to be treated like her classmates and would have hated any sort of special treatment from the school's staff. 

“Very well,” Mrs Fields seemed to notice how edgy Andromeda was since she decided against pressing the matter and moved on to the next topic in hand. “Anyway, I recommend you to supervise Nymphadora's reading material. Make sure she isn't reading something inappropriate to her age.”

Despite her overall uneasiness toward the woman and the feeling that she wouldn't appreciate the comment, the Headmistress felt compelled to advise her. Indeed, Andromeda's face reddened, her brows furrowed in anger and her gaze turned into a glare. “How d—!”

“—we will keep an eye on her,” Ted interrupted his wife, placing his hand on the woman's shoulder once again. Andromeda's pride had always been her biggest flaw and, although she usually kept it in check, hearing someone telling her how to raise her child was one of the few things that would put her on edge.

“That is all we ask for,” the Headmistress nodded quickly, realising that Mrs Tonks was just about to start shouting at her. Despite the calm way that the couple had accepted their daughter's inquiries, it was obvious that their patience and open-mindedness didn't apply to them.

Still, both Miss Steele and Mrs Fields kept wondering if the Tonks were only faking their lack of concern. As Mr Tonks rose and told them he had to go back to work, followed by his still-angry wife, the teacher decided to keep a closer look at Nymphadora Tonks. Just in case there was nothing wrong happening at home.

Unbeknown to the educator, Andromeda had had a full education at legilimency through her childhood. In her worry about the muggles would try interfering with Dora's life at home, the witch looked into the surface of the women's mind and found out their intentions. One more difficult topic to be discussed with her daughter, Andromeda realized.

For the first time, the witch felt relieved that her daughter would be attending Hogwarts soon. As much as she would miss her, there was no question that Dora will fit in much better in a magical school, where she wouldn't have to worry about making a mistake that ended up infringing the Statute of Secrecy.

_ Oh, Dora! Why haven't you asked us? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my quickest update in a very long time. Got some inspiration last night.
> 
> See you soon.


	5. Colours in the Black and White

_ I found colour in the black and white _ _  
_ _ Broke a prism and I held the light _ _  
_ _ I was searching for myself _ _  
_ _ I looked everywhere else _ __  
_ I had to turn inside _ __  
(Firefly – Lindsey Stirling)

While the conversation with Dr Baker had given Tonks a clarification to some of her doubts and opened a universe of new possibilities, it didn't take long before the Metamorph noticed that she would have a lot of trouble finding books able to answer such specific questions.

The enthusiasm over her new findings combined with the restlessness caused by the lack of information in the library made Tonks fidgety and absentminded. As a consequence, she didn't notice the warry looks she was receiving from her teacher and was surprised when her classmates asked her about it before laughing it off by telling them that “adults were weird”.

The Metamorph also failed to notice the shift in her house's atmosphere. Although she was usually an observant child, it had taken her many days before realising that her parents had been hiding something from her — something  _ about  _ her. Occupied with the search for answers to her new questions, however, Tonks didn't connect the adults' behaviour to her inquiries to Dr Baker. 

Then, about a week after the sex education lecture, Tonks arrived home after class to find both of her parents waiting for her. That was surprising enough considering that, ever since her mother had taken a full-time job as an Unspeakable over a year before, the Metamorph had gotten used to finding the house empty when she came back from school. 

While the fact that both had come home earlier surprised Tonks, the concern and tension in their countenance and the sadness in her mother's features were what alarmed her the most. They were sitting side by side on the couch in the living room, two cups of tea resting on the centre table in front of them.

“Dora,” it was her father who spoke first with the firm but kind tone that he used to let her know that, although she wasn't in trouble, he expected her to do as he said. “Why don't you drop your backpack and come join us?”

The lack of response from her mother, who often told her not to leave her school supplies hanging around, was even more alarming. Had she  _ done  _ something wrong? Her mind quickly recalled the conversation with Dr Baker. She wouldn't have told them, right? The doctor didn't even know who her parents were. The school did, though. 

Although scared over the possibility of being confronted about her questions during the sex education lecture, Tonks was curious enough not to try avoiding the conversation. Perhaps, despite the emotions her parents were radiating, it would be good news. It could be also a prank — although her father was terrible at those and her mother found them childish.

Dropping her backpack on the centre table, Tonks sat on the couch across from her parents. “What's up?” She asked, studying her parents warily. 

Neither of the adults spoke right away, which only served to increase the Metamorph's suspicious. They exchanged a quick gaze before her father turned his eyes to the ceiling and her mother looked straight into her eyes. They were unsure of how to answer her question, Tonks noticed.

Finally, Ted lowered his gaze to meet hers and asked, “do you have something you'd like to talk to us about, duck?” The term of endearing, Tonks knew, wasn't as much of an assurance that she was in no trouble as it was a peace offer.

Despite the wording, the Metamorph knew her dad was asking if there was something they  _ should _ know. “No—?” Tonks added an interrogation mark at the end of her answer to play it safe.

“So, you wouldn't know why Headmistress Fields called your dad and me for a meeting.” Tonks tensed further at her mum's straight-to-business attitude, one that the Metamorph was subject to every time she tried to hide some mischief to avoid being punished. 

Upset at her daughter's lack of cooperation, Andromeda wasted no time dancing around the subject. Now, at least, Tonks was sure of the reason behind that conversation; not that the knowledge made things easier. “Er— I was just curious because that doctor— she kept talking about being a girl or being a boy and— well— I was curious about people who could be both.” 

While the Metamorph knew her parents would never fall for such a lazy excuse, she hoped they wouldn't press the matter. She wasn't quite ready to talk about her doubts considering that she still couldn't understand why being a boy  _ and  _ a girl mattered so much to her. 

Tonks was also unprepared to be confronted by her mother or to face her disappointment.  _ Abnormal _ , she recalled Andromeda saying. The word, as well as the memories of the night that had followed, were imprinted in her mind, marking her very worst recollection. A situation Tonks didn't want to repeat.

Noticing her daughter's hesitance as well as her hair growing a little darker — a sign that she was distressed —, Andromeda sighed deeply and leaned against the back of the couch. She could see that the girl was scared of  _ something _ , but what would that be? Ted and she had been careful to keep a positive, accepting attitude towards Dora's wishes, questions, and morphings. Why would she suddenly be afraid of making inquiries?

“I bet you learned a lot from the doctor, huh?” Much more tactful than his somewhat hot-tempered wife, Ted asked as an invitation for Dora to elucidate them on the topic, “the Headmistress didn't say much about it.”

Recognizing her father's tactics, Tonks narrowed her eyes. It worked more times than it didn't since her desire to talk about the topic would usually be enough to push her into answering the questions without much of a thought on why she was replying to them. That day, however, she was taken aback. 

“Oh, she didn't say all that much either. Just that— hm— some people have girls and boys' parts, sometimes it's the genitals, but sometimes it's their— hm— organs, I think was the word— the parts that are inside your body.” There was no danger in answering just that, was there? She could pass it as curiosity, couldn't she?

Judging by the looks she received from her parents, Tonks realized it wouldn't be that simple. Her mother had an above-average inquisitive mind — a skill she practised every day in her job as an Unspeakable —, which meant she had an endless number of questions about all range of subjects. On the other hand, while not as analytical as her mum, her father knew the best tricks to make her talk.

Growing somewhat impatient as Ted tried to elaborate his inquiries to make Tonks open up more, Andromeda broke the silence: “have you tried to replicate what the doctor explained to you, Dora?” Despite her annoyance at the pace of the conversation, the woman was trying her best to sound relaxed in her attempt to soothe her daughter.

Andromeda sniggered when she noticed that not only the Metamorph's skin and hair grew a dark shade of red, her husband was also a little flushed. The woman had no qualms about discussing genitalia after years of motherhood; she was no longer the person who was uncomfortable when Dora asked her where the babies came from.  _ They do say revenge is better served cold _ , the woman realized at the sight of her daughter's embarrassment.

Figuring that her mother's obvious amusement over the situation was a good indication that she wouldn't be upset about the changes, Tonks felt herself relaxing. “Not really. I don't know how to add and remove organs,” the girl admitted. 

Andromeda sighed softly in relief that her daughter had confessed she wanted to make those changes. On the other hand, a still slightly-embarrassed-Ted leaned in, his elbows on his legs and head resting on his crossed hands. 

“I believe some Transfiguration concepts might help you with that kind of issue.” Andromeda suggested before adding with amusement, “why don't you owl Minerva and ask her for advice? While your father and I know the basics, she  _ is  _ the Head of the Transfiguration Department at Hogwarts?”

“I will,” Tonks smiled in relief. It seemed that she wasn't in any trouble, after all, and her parents weren't even upset that she wanted to try changing her gender. Still, the Metamorph was more than ready to finish that embarrassing conversation, “can I go now?” 

Andromeda narrowed her eyes at her daughter, making the girl flinch. “Not so fast. I think it's time to remind you of what can be considered to be a proper conversation topic around muggles.” 

“Your teacher and the Headmistress were quite curious about your questions,” Ted offered, somewhat amused. “They have been wondering if there was something we aren't telling them about your gender—”

“Why haven't you asked  _ us _ , Dora?” Andromeda finally asked the question that had been eating her since the meeting with the educators, earlier that day. 

Tonks flushed and lowered her eyes, embarrassed about the hurt she spotted in her mother's features. The expression mirrored the one the Metamorph recalled from the day she had tried to change into a younger version of Sirius. “Huh— I was worried you'd— you'd be— mad—?” 

Anxious, she started bouncing her legs back and forth. A long silence followed her reply, but Tonks only looked up once she felt someone sitting beside her on the couch and her mother's arms enveloping her. She didn't have to look up to see Andromeda was tense, the way she held her tightly was enough.

Surprisingly, it was her father who spoke first, “when have we ever been mad at you for asking questions, duck?”

Never, Tonks knew without having to think about it; her parents had always been open to her inquiries. Yet, what had kept her from asking questions at that time was the knowledge that they would have led her parents to inquire as well, which answers could end up upsetting her mother. 

“We love you, Dora. No question you make, no shape you choose can change it,” Andromeda said, seeming to understand at least part of the reason behind her silence. Tonks allowed herself to relax as a wave of relief washed her, her body changing to something between female and male — what felt  _ right  _ at that moment.

Both Ted and Andromeda noticed the subtle changes, but didn't comment on them in fear that their daughter would shy away from the conversation. Instead, even though they were anxious to know why she was afraid of telling them, the two adults waited until Dora was comfortable enough to say something.

“Sometimes, I like being a boy,” Tonks said after a while after wrapping her arms around her mother's waist. “I don't mind being a girl all the time, but sometimes it feels better being a boy— and, at other times, it feels weird and I prefer going back to being a girl. I know it doesn't make sense.”

The Metamorph pulled away from her mother and hesitantly looked from her face to her father's. Much to her surprise, neither of her parents were upset; while Andromeda was watching her with curiosity, Ted was smiling and nodding as if he understood what she was saying. 

“Minerva did tell us Metamorphmagi don't have a standard appearance,” at his daughter's quizzical expression, Ted explained. “I suppose we shouldn't have assumed you were a girl, huh?”

After a moment of hesitation, Tonks nodded. “I prefer being a girl most of the time, though,” not wanting them to think they hurt her by presuming, she tried to defend the logic behind the assumption. “I just— haven't thought I liked being a boy either until I tried for the first time.”

“Well, it is fine to experiment as much as you wish as long as you don't do it in front of the muggles.” Andromeda smirked knowingly, “I would hate to have to call someone to obliviate them—  _ again _ .”

Guilty as charged yet not embarrassed by the statement as her lack of control was a constant joke between the family members, The Metamorph looked at her mother, who noticed that her features were softening back to completely feminine, “I won't, mum.”

After exchanging a glance with Ted, Andromeda's face grew thoughtful — although still relaxed. “Why don't you go upstairs to get cleaned and write that letter to Minerva? I think the occasion asks for some pizza. What do you think?”

The Metamorph's face lightened at the prospect of having pizza during a weekday. “Yes, please!” She offered her mother a last tight hug before grabbing her backpack and rushing upstairs to do as she was told. 

Only when she heard the door of her daughter's bedroom being closed that Andromeda dared to speak, “I suppose that went better than I thought it would.”

Ted crossed his arms and leaned against the back of the couch before answering, “I suppose so, although she didn't tell us why she bloody thought we would be angry about that.” Despite his usual cursing, Andromeda could see by his calm features that her husband wasn't upset.

“Sneaky,” the woman smirked at that, even though she was fairly certain Dora hadn't done that on purpose. Blunt, honest, and loud, her daughter had no skill to slide away from Andromeda's inquiries. “Well, perhaps there's hope that she will end up in Slytherin after all.”

“In your dreams!” Ted good-humoredly replied. Even though Andromeda was too smart to even hope that her daughter would follow her steps and be sorted to Slytherin, it was an old bickering between the couple they kept having just for their amusement.

No, Dora was no Slytherin. If she was to guess, it would be either Hufflepuff like Ted or Gryffindor like— Andromeda didn't allow herself to complete the line of thought, knowing too well what happened to the last member of the Black family who was sorted in the house of the lions. 

Yet, despite her hesitancy about Gryffindor, Andromeda trusted Dora was too smart and righteous to follow the same path as Sirius Black. She had faith that her daughter — or son, she supposed — would always make the right decision. 

At that conclusion, Andromeda stood up and moved toward the telephone in the corner to order the pizza. “So, the usual?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Note:**
> 
> Thanks to everyone who is reading, leaving kudos, and bookmarking this. Sorry it took me so long to update this, the conversation between Andromeda, Ted, and Tonks was freaking impossible to write! Hope I've done it well enough. 
> 
> Stay healthy. I will see you soon.


End file.
